Forgive Me Father For I Have Smoked aka Sorry I've Been Such a Slackarse. (written whilst smoking)

I know I've been pretty poor with the upkeep of this journal. I'm sorry, and I promise to try and do better. This isn't just some passing fad, to fade into obscurity with such documents as the Magna Carta or the Bible.

Speaking of which, aren't we due for a New and Improved Testament? iBible2.0? Maybe the Pope could commission Dan Brown to write it...it'd certainly get a wider reading audience, and would at least be in a language everybody can understand. Dan Brown's books certainly contain all the necessary elements - murder, betrayal, armageddon and a bit of begetting here and there. Ok, in good taste he'll edit out the incest, but stick a few car chases, a gunfight and an intelligence organisation chasing a secret that might change the world into the Bible, and it might actually appeal to the masses. It's all about bringing The Word in to the new millenia.

No, I haven't just finished reading The Lost Symbol.

Ok, I have.

So, the quitting thing. To be perfectly honest, I've been a bit slack on that front as well...which is why, besides my chronic lack of anything resembling time management, I haven't written anything in a while. I didn't want this to simply become a banal confessional in which I list my every nicotine related transgression. There simply isn't that much web space.

So at the moment, I'm in that 'cutting back' stage and while I can go for two to four days at a stretch without a cigarette (my personal best to date is a whole week!), if I do find myself really wanting a cigarette, I have one. I've knocked it back from a pack a day to four or five a day on the days I do smoke, which at the moment is only on days ending in 'y'. Like my drinking.

I suppose you could say I'm now a social smoker. Although since I've had a couple whilst writing this entry and I'm at home by myself, that might not strictly be true - unless you count the fact I'm chatting with friends on Facebook and therefore technically I'm socialising. Semantics? Of course it is.

Justifiable smoking. That's what it's all about. It's harder to prove than justifiable homicide and doesn't really hold up under close scrutiny (or even distant scrutiny for that matter), but the ex-smoker will truly believe it the only course of action. With coffee, after a bad day at the office, whilst drinking, after sex...these are the main situations an ex-smoker will find him- or herself really craving a cigarette, and will normally make themselves believe an indulgence is 'justifiable'. It's almost as much fun as calorie counting. Same principle applies. I've only eaten an apple and three raisins today, so it's ok if I have that slice of Snickers Pie.

It's pure fantasy, but hey - self-delusion is the foundation of many an ego. And since we all know it's fabrication, we can all agree to pretend it's true.

So at the moment, rather than a pack a day, I'm a pack or two a week. It's progress, but I'll be the first to say it's only the beginning.

Ok, Deborah Conway was the first. Sorry, Deb. Love your work.

Bye for now.